Starting in the middle

Being as this is my first post to this new blog, I am definitely starting in the middle of my step mom story but as things are so unsettled and about to be worse I am in need of some release/support!

I am a new step mom to three young adults.  19, 17 and 13.  They are wonderful, cool kids that I truly enjoy being around.  My husband is great with them and very supportive and appreciative of me in my new role.  He has custody of the kids 50% of the time, so they are with us every other day.  They like the arrangement and it is seems to work very well for our family.  The problem comes in with the biomom. 

I don't want to use my words here to trash talk her.  I'll just say simply that she is a challenge.  I am very empathetic and can see her situation and the feelings that she must have towards her ex and to me.  My usual approach with her is to keep a low profile and try to keep my husband as calm about the situation as I can.  I feel incredibly awkward and always afraid to do anything that might awaken her rage.

Which is why I am feeling so unsettled with the fact that my husband is sending over the paperwork to her tomorrow to have the child support re-evaluated.  This is a normal proceeding that any parent can initiate at any time but at this time it looks like her child support payments will go to a very small amount for the two kids under 18.  This is because my husband pays for so much, his income has decreased because of the poor economy right now and that child support payments have not been challenged since the time of the divorce (12 years ago).

This could the beginning of a huge fight.  How do I support my husband, help the kids to see that their father is not evil, keep a positive and happy household for them to be in and not be personaly stressed out about this situtation?  The poor kids!  My poor husband!  I hate to see him struggle with this decision and the resulting issues that will come of it.  I see a lot of deep breathing in my near future and hopefully some clarity in my thoughts to help everyone keep calm.