The Theater Boosters are having a spaghetti dinner tonight to raise funds for the upcoming production! I am volunteering to help with the dinner tonight. Sounds great and innocent enough. But, oh! The dreaded chance meeting... especially after the drama that was dropped in our laps today.
I think it's important to support what the kids are into. To help the theater boosters with their bake sales, set building and dinners like these; well, this is something I can do and am good at. I try to keep a low profile because I'm sure she doesn't want to see me or have me be involved with anything to do with the kids. I decided last year though, that this was a good thing that I could help with and be unobtrusive. I'm also new to the area and would like to meet people.
One of things that makes it so hard is the wondering of what has been said about you. With the BM's loud and wrongful mouth, she is very good at making her ex out to be the villain. So I am left to hold my head up and try to make friends with these people, wondering all the while if they can get past the gossip.
So do I go today or not go? This is such a pain and a stress for me. My stomach is in knots. It makes me question why I would even bother! This what people don't realize about being "the kids' father's wife".
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
We've been served
All my worry about whether we were doing the right thing. And just as my husband is getting settled into work for the day, he is served papers suing for custody support, the cost of a $20,000/yr experimental drug for the youngest child and all lawyers fees.
Apparently, the BM would like her ex husband to pay for the child that she has with her new husband and the ones that she plans to have in the future.
As for the drug, there is a potential for benefits but also some pretty big side effects. We have tried the drug for two years with no real improvement in the child. Because of this, the insurance company dropped coverage for it. My husband has spend hours on the phone trying to get the insurance coverage reinstated. Funny thing is, the BM says we are to blame - when she did not give the drug consistently when the child was in her care.
What a ridiculous situation. We do not have the money that she thinks we have. She won't coparent with my husband but yet we have 50% of custody and over 50% of expenses. She won't speak to him about the doctor's visits or the course of action with the health care. And she gets to make our lives miserable with her drama, going to the extremes instead of just trying to come to an agreement through coorespondance or filing with DSS for $25. She has to drag in high priced lawyers and court fees with a trumped up case that will go nowhere.
Oh, but she is the wounded one here. She has to slave and scrape by, taking care of the three children all by herself. And now, with a new husband and baby at her age, how can she be expected to support the two teens at home? So of course the only thing to do is sue her ex. He's living like a king. And holding it out on her.
Yeah, sorry - my empathy is out the window.
Apparently, the BM would like her ex husband to pay for the child that she has with her new husband and the ones that she plans to have in the future.
As for the drug, there is a potential for benefits but also some pretty big side effects. We have tried the drug for two years with no real improvement in the child. Because of this, the insurance company dropped coverage for it. My husband has spend hours on the phone trying to get the insurance coverage reinstated. Funny thing is, the BM says we are to blame - when she did not give the drug consistently when the child was in her care.
What a ridiculous situation. We do not have the money that she thinks we have. She won't coparent with my husband but yet we have 50% of custody and over 50% of expenses. She won't speak to him about the doctor's visits or the course of action with the health care. And she gets to make our lives miserable with her drama, going to the extremes instead of just trying to come to an agreement through coorespondance or filing with DSS for $25. She has to drag in high priced lawyers and court fees with a trumped up case that will go nowhere.
Oh, but she is the wounded one here. She has to slave and scrape by, taking care of the three children all by herself. And now, with a new husband and baby at her age, how can she be expected to support the two teens at home? So of course the only thing to do is sue her ex. He's living like a king. And holding it out on her.
Yeah, sorry - my empathy is out the window.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Starting in the middle
Being as this is my first post to this new blog, I am definitely starting in the middle of my step mom story but as things are so unsettled and about to be worse I am in need of some release/support!
I am a new step mom to three young adults. 19, 17 and 13. They are wonderful, cool kids that I truly enjoy being around. My husband is great with them and very supportive and appreciative of me in my new role. He has custody of the kids 50% of the time, so they are with us every other day. They like the arrangement and it is seems to work very well for our family. The problem comes in with the biomom.
I don't want to use my words here to trash talk her. I'll just say simply that she is a challenge. I am very empathetic and can see her situation and the feelings that she must have towards her ex and to me. My usual approach with her is to keep a low profile and try to keep my husband as calm about the situation as I can. I feel incredibly awkward and always afraid to do anything that might awaken her rage.
Which is why I am feeling so unsettled with the fact that my husband is sending over the paperwork to her tomorrow to have the child support re-evaluated. This is a normal proceeding that any parent can initiate at any time but at this time it looks like her child support payments will go to a very small amount for the two kids under 18. This is because my husband pays for so much, his income has decreased because of the poor economy right now and that child support payments have not been challenged since the time of the divorce (12 years ago).
This could the beginning of a huge fight. How do I support my husband, help the kids to see that their father is not evil, keep a positive and happy household for them to be in and not be personaly stressed out about this situtation? The poor kids! My poor husband! I hate to see him struggle with this decision and the resulting issues that will come of it. I see a lot of deep breathing in my near future and hopefully some clarity in my thoughts to help everyone keep calm.
I am a new step mom to three young adults. 19, 17 and 13. They are wonderful, cool kids that I truly enjoy being around. My husband is great with them and very supportive and appreciative of me in my new role. He has custody of the kids 50% of the time, so they are with us every other day. They like the arrangement and it is seems to work very well for our family. The problem comes in with the biomom.
I don't want to use my words here to trash talk her. I'll just say simply that she is a challenge. I am very empathetic and can see her situation and the feelings that she must have towards her ex and to me. My usual approach with her is to keep a low profile and try to keep my husband as calm about the situation as I can. I feel incredibly awkward and always afraid to do anything that might awaken her rage.
Which is why I am feeling so unsettled with the fact that my husband is sending over the paperwork to her tomorrow to have the child support re-evaluated. This is a normal proceeding that any parent can initiate at any time but at this time it looks like her child support payments will go to a very small amount for the two kids under 18. This is because my husband pays for so much, his income has decreased because of the poor economy right now and that child support payments have not been challenged since the time of the divorce (12 years ago).
This could the beginning of a huge fight. How do I support my husband, help the kids to see that their father is not evil, keep a positive and happy household for them to be in and not be personaly stressed out about this situtation? The poor kids! My poor husband! I hate to see him struggle with this decision and the resulting issues that will come of it. I see a lot of deep breathing in my near future and hopefully some clarity in my thoughts to help everyone keep calm.
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